Two Short Conversations of Dumbness

Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.

Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?

Me: What?

Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

Me: Oh……

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Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)

Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.

Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.

Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.

Melissa: Oh…..

Amazon Conversation

I’ve always been fascinated by the Amazon (no, not the one I get neat gifts from) and last night we were watching The River so that inspired me to look up trips to the Amazon.

Me: These are not that expensive.

Rich: Yeah but you have to find your way there.

Me: True. Is a visa the same as a passport?

Rich: No, those are those special ones where they can just say no to you.

Me: Okay then, Brazil is out. We’ll just go to Peru or Ecuador. Did you know there are thousands of fruits in the Amazon that we have never tried here in the West? We only have like 200 of them.

Rich: We’d probably get to try the Durian or something.

Me: True. It also says that Malaria and Yellow Fever shots are recommended. Plus, they have night trips and you have to bring a lighted hat. Think I’ll pass on the whole night in the jungle thing.

Me: I do want to see some natives that have never seen other people. They’d be like, “Hula Hula.”

Rich: WTF

 

Drugs Conversation

Rich: What are those pills you are taking?

Me: That’s tumeric. It’s for all kinds of stuff like arthritis, Alzheimer’s, achy joints, cancer, etc. It’s all natural, it’s a spice even.

Rich: I just wondered what you were taking.

Me: They’re not drugs drugs. They’re not illicit drugs.

Rich: Okay

Me: If I had some illicit drugs I’d be all over that.

Rich: Okay

Me: I wish I had some illicit drugs. They’d help my foot stop hurting.

Rich: Okay

Me: I’m serious. I need some real drugs.

Rich: Okay. I just asked what they were.

Me: I’m not playing, my feet hurt.

Rich: Okay

 

Dozing Conversation

I was talking to my friend Mel and she was telling me about falling asleep while talking to someone.

Me: OMG I know.

Mel: I don’t even know what I said to that person either.

Me: Well, you know how you doze off and say weird things or start to dream? I was talking on the phone with this paid survey company and dozed off. I blurted out, “DOLPHINS KISSING.”

Mel: ROFL Where did that even come from?

Me: I have no idea but it made me wake right up and I tried to fix it. But you can’t fix DOLPHINS KISSING.

Mel: I know, you can’t fix something DOLPHINS KISSING at all.

Dating Conversation

Rich has a co-worker that joined a local dating site and this is what the conversation was.

Rich: So, F***ster joined a dating site and a girl wanted to meet him on a Saturday. So he shows up and four other guys showed up too.

Me: WTF?

Rich: Turns out she wanted help moving.

Me: OMG

Rich: One guy told her to go f*ck herself but F***ster actually stayed and helped her move.

Me: ………………..

Short Conversations

Mel: My Sim is a hoarder

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Me: Did I ever tell you about the time Rich thought I had a stroke?

Mel: No!

Me: I had gotten a Brazilian wax kit and it had numbing gel. Somehow when boxing it back up I touched my face and we were at Sam’s Club and my face went numb. Rich thought I’d had a stroke and was going to take me to the hospital till I figured out it was the waxing gel.

Mel: ……………..

Internet Conversation

 

I like to tease Rich about the last time we had a discussion about the Internet. Now I just swipe my hand across the air and he gets it, which means he usually flips me off. This is why I swipe the air.

 

 

Time Conversation

Rich was talking to a sort of co-worker at work and was discussing the new year.

Rich: We’ll probably go out to Pier Park and watch the ball drop, etc.

Person: What time are they having all of that?

Rich: Well, the fireworks and ball drop is at midnight of course.

Person: Why are they doing it that late? I’ll be in bed!

Rich: Um, that’s when the new year is……….

Short Conversations

Rich: I’m confused about something

Me: it’s not about the Internet again is it?

“………………

Me: Apollo 18 doesn’t look good to me. It is too black and white looking. 

Rich: it’s not like the moon is full of vivid colors. 

Math Conversation

We were headed to Port Canaveral and were passing through St Augustine.

Me: it was founded in 1565. That’s like what, 5000 years?

Rich: are you kidding me?

Me: wait, more like 500 years.

Rich: “…………