Random stuff heard around the house

Latest

Good Deeds Conversation

Tonight I decided to trim Swan’s hair (she’s a pekingese) and give her a bath. Due to her long hair, she tends to get knots so I tried to tackle one of those first, then she pooped on me while doing so.

Me to Rich: See what happens when you try to do something good for someone? You get sh*t on.

She’s a dog, not a someone human but you get the gist. Alas, this hair cutting will commence again tomorrow. By the way, I just trimmed her hair a few weeks ago.

Pennies from Heaven Conversation

I was sweeping up some trash and picked up a penny.

Rich: What did you pick out of the trash?

Me: A penny.

Rich: You wasted more time picking that up than what it’s worth.

Me: I just read the other day that if you see a penny on the floor it was sent by an angel and means they are watching over you.

Rich: …………..

Me: Seriously, this means an angel is looking out for me.

Rich: My angel needs to start dropping some twenties then.

Logic Conversation

Me: Into the storm is playing at the Regency and Pier Park. 

Rich: I’m not going to the Regency. 

Me: But we will have to fight the crowds of tourists at Pier Park. 

Rich: No one is here. 

Me: Why not, it’s August?

Rich: Look at the security cameras at work, no one is here, the parking lot is empty. 

Me: Maybe they are all at the movies. 

Angel vs Devil Conversation

There’s a quiz you can take that has been making its rounds amongst our friends. It’s how evil or good you are and a couple of the questions were similar to:

You see a turtle in traffic. Do you risk angering drivers by moving it somewhere safe or leave it.

You need to run into the store fast and the only spot is a handicapped one. Do you take it?

Rich: Some of the people got almost 100% evil.

Me: Yeah, I’m wondering how they answered all of their questions. Apparently a lot of people are running over turtles and parking in handicapped spots.

Unicorn Conversation

Driving around town….

Rich: Didn’t that used to be a uniform store there? Now it’s something else.

Me: I thought you said unicorns at first.

Rich: Yeah, because they sell unicorns at stores now.

Modeling/Photographer Conversation

Me: You know how it’s kind of awkward to tell the model how you want them to pose when taking photos? It’s like, “Okay, maybe look like you’re thinking,” or “Why not smile but close your eyes?” I was thinking that it’d be much easier in a German accent.

Rich: …………. what?

Me: You know like, “You smile big, yes? Now make like lion – roar! Yes, good. Now turn and frown, frown face, yes? You’re bear now, be the bear, grrrrrr!”

Rich: I think I need to drop you off at home so you can reflect on how stupid that was. Besides, that was like three accents in one voice.

Me: Anything Eastern European might work.

Heaven Conversation

We’re watching The Wolf of Wall Street.

Me: What I don’t get is that if you have all of that money the legitimate way, why do you have to do illegal stuff to get more money?

Rich: Probably like drug dealers, greed and more money.

Me: Yeah but why not just be honest? I mean, I work hard to be an honest person – it doesn’t come naturally you know. Remember the girl that forgot to ring up our dog food and you pointed it out to her? I might have paused to consider that – that’s something I have to work at and I do but still….

Rich: And that’s why you’ll never enter the House of Heaven.

Awards Conversation

We’re watching August: Osage County.

Me: So tell me how Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep didn’t win an Oscar for this?

Rich: They cursed too much?

Me: No, but Cate Blanchett – God love her, I adore her but she was in a Woody Allen movie so of course she won. I mean, all you have to do is play a Nazi or be in a Woody Allen movie and you’re a shoe-in.

Rich: What if someone plays a Nazi in a Woody Allen movie?

Me: Then they win all of the awards.

Sleep Conversation

Rich is watching Family Feud and the question was, “Name the longest time you can go without sleep.” The guy answers, “Six hours.”

Rich: Damn, he must be related to you.

Weed Conversation

I have a friend that collects graveyard dirt and asked me to get some when we went to New Orleans. In return, she sent me some from some famous people like Lizzie Borden, Edgar Allen Poe, and H.P. Lovecraft. She sent me a lot so I had some left over after putting it in labeled little bottles.

Me: (as a joke) You know we’re going to take the rest and grow special plants like graveyard plants.

Rich: Or pot.

Me: LOL we’ll have funny names for the weed like at those stores.

Rich: Like Lizzie Borden’s Axe Grinder or Edgar Allen Poe’s The Tale Tell Smoke.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,071 other followers