Old Timey Conversation
I was watching this video of a Belgian Malinois and it was made in 1936 in Germany.
Me: Look at this neat video of the dogs doing agility in the 1930′s. It even has that old timey music!
Rich: What kind of music did you think it’d have, Sir Mix a Lot?
Me: ……………….
Biology Conversation (or is that zoology?)
Rich and I were talking about rabies and stuff.
Rich: They are having free rabies vaccinations here. We should take the dogs and get their shots updated.
Me: I know. With all the squirrels, possums, and birds they chase around like doves and stuff it’d be a good idea.
Rich: When have you known a bird to have rabies?
Me: Bats!
Rich: Bats aren’t birds you idiot. Bats are mammals.
Me: I know, I just wasn’t thinking.
Rich: Did you even take biology in school?
Me: I took it, failed it and retook it.
Rich: You were high during the entire high school years, weren’t you?
Another Apocalyptic Conversation
I was talking to my friend on the phone and joking about stockpiles after the apocalypse. Whether it be a zombie one, EMP’s or whatever; the first thing to go will be the city water supply considering ours goes out once in a while over nothing. So I was wondering how to use the bathroom.
Me: Oh wait, we have that Doggie Dooley system in the backyard. We can use the bathroom there! You just open it up and we even have the enzymes that kill the stuff.
Me: Or we can refill the toilet water with pool water!
Rich: Yeah but the pipes will clog up because if the city waste water treatment plant isn’t working there’s nowhere for it to go.
Me: Okay, back to the Doggie Dooley.
Doggy Conversations
Here are some shorts just from this morning.
Rich: Which dog did I hit with the pillow this morning?
Me: I think it was Blitz.
………………………….
Rich: Do not come in here and cough up stuff on my shoe!
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Rich: That’s a whole lot of crazy coming down the hall. (Swan was in rare form today; laughing, running around with toys and being silly. Now she’s licking a chair leg though so go figure)
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Rich: No dingbat, you cannot go in the bathroom and dump the trash. (Swan again, that seems to be her goal in life to dump the trash can)
Animal Conversations
I was writing an article on scary movie animals.
Me: Hey, what are some scary movie animals? I have Cujo and stuff like that.
Rich: What about Jaws? Piranha?
Me: Yeah but are fish an animal?
Rich: Are they plants?
Me: No
Rich: Are they a mineral?
Me: No
Rich: Are they a vegetable?
Me: No
Rich: Are they a human?
Me: No
Rich: Then they are an animal.
Me: Okay, what about like crocodiles or snakes? And dinosaurs!
Rich: *rolls his eyes*
Rich: Dinosaurs aren’t real! (he was joking because someone once told me that and I could not believe it)
Sick Doggie Conversation
So tonight Rich says…
Rich: Is someone throwing up in there?
Me: I’m not sure, let me look. OMG yes. Yuck! It was Blitz. I’ll feed the them if you clean this up.
Rich: You should have given them any of your stuffing.
Me: Um, I see noodles and I didn’t give them noodles. That was you! There are tons of noodles in this vomit.
Rich: Oh.
Stinky Dog Conversation
Before we start, I have the sense of humor of a junior high school boy. So anything on this topic makes me get the giggles and snorts.
Rich: OMG which one of you dogs stunk up the room?
Me: I think it was Blitz…oh wait, it’s him, he’s smelling his butt.
Rich: Blitz!!
About this time Blitz high tails it out of the room.
Rich: OMG you stinky wh*re. You smell so bad it even made you leave the room!
At this point I burst into …yep, giggles and snorts. Between Blitz and Swan, it’s a good thing we have candles and air freshener in the house. Donner isn’t so bad but when he does do it, you hear it. That also sends me into fits of laughter.
Doggy Killer Conversations
Rich is outside bringing out Christmas decorations. Yes, we are late getting them up. Anyway…
Rich: Your redheaded child is killing stuffed animals. (that’d be Blitz)
Me: What happened?
Rich: I threw him a toy to play with and he brought it back and went all, “blahhhhhhhhh!!!!!” and tore off its head. There is stuffing everywhere.
Me: Bahahahahaha!
Oops Conversations
Tonight we were eating dinner. Swan hasn’t been eating well and just today started liking food again. I dropped a piece of bacon and Blitz went for it but I wanted Swan to have it. Then I felt bad.
Me: I’m sorry Blitz, I don’t even have anything on my plate you can lick because it’s just some tiny granules of salt and a little bit of grease from french fries. (Yeah, I eat so healthy, don’t I?)
Me: Hey, maybe Daddy has something you can lick.
Me: Oh boy, that totally came out wrong.
Doggie Bully Conversations
Today I looked outside and Donner was rolling around on something pink and furry. No, it wasn’t a baby possum, it was a cute little doggie parka with a fur trim. Now we own no such doggie attire so I can only assume it was a gift.
Me: Donner found a pink doggie parka. I put it in the wash.
Rich: Where’d he get that?
Me: Maybe someone threw it over the fence although lord knows why. Are they trying to bling my dog?
Rich: I hope he didn’t yank it off one of the chihuahua’s out back. (they like to bark and try to get said small pups through the fence)
Me: Ha! I’m picturing them like, “Give me the jacket, bitch!”
I plan to take a picture of Swan in it for Christmas. It’s not like we can give it back and it washed up as pretty as new.
Critter conversations
We had a doggie party to attend yesterday and our four legged friends were invited too. We opted not to bring them because the twins can be wild and Swan likes to nip at others. So as I am getting ready the twins start fighting.
Me: And that’s why you can’t go to the party!
Later that night I go to pet our quaker, Callie and he bit at me.
Me: Don’t bite me
Callie: You okay?
See, it’s not just conversations with Rich that are amusing to me.
