This is an old one but I was at Starbucks and at the time there was this really hot guy that worked there. Don’t worry, Rich knew I thought this guy was hot. So one day I’m getting my coffee from the girl behind the counter and his name was mentioned.
Me: He is so cute. He’s my boyfriend (you know how you’re like oh that’s my boyfriend, as a joke?)
Here: Yeah he’s my boyfriend.
Me: No, he’s my boyfriend.
Her: No really, he’s actually my boyfriend; we live together.
Everyone pretty much heard about this convesation. I was so embarrassed. That couple later left to work at Hoffbrau but once in a while we see them and they say hello to us. He kind of looks like Desmond Harrington from Dexter.
Last night we were headed to Walmart and stopped at a red light. The car in front of us was slow and Rich asked if he should blow his horn (jokingly because it was a police car)…
Me: Oh, it’s a cop. I guess not
Rich: No worse, it’s a state trooper. They’re like the Storm Troopers of law enforcement.
Me: They’re like Nazis?
Rich: What are you talking about? Storm Troopers are in Star Wars.
Me: I thought they were Nazis. I’m pretty sure they’re Nazis.
Rich: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Me: I’m gonna post this cause it’s pretty funny.
Rich: You’re the one that is going to look stupid.
Me: No I’m not, it’s funny.
Later that night…..
Me: Hey Rich, Storm Troopers are also Nazis! Booyah! I looked it up and it’s a popular search it seems. Now who is right?
I was talking to a really good friend the other day and she was telling me about a “date” she’d gone on.
Mel: So I went on a date for free coffee.
Me: I’d totally go out with a guy for free coffee at Starbucks.
Mel: Yeah, I got the big one and everything then said I had to get going.
Mel: I’m dating a hispanic guy
Me: Really? Cool. Do they have hispanics in Oregon?(me being funny because I tease her about Oregon; she’s from the south like myself)
Mel: Yeah a lot but I thought he was French. His name is Javier.
Me: How did you not know he was hispanic with the name Javier?
Mel: I just thought he was tan and I thought Javier was French.
Now mind you this is good natured banter and not racism. Mel is African American and I think hispanic guys are hot. I do think however, that my H2 would not be welcome in Oregon which is why I tease her about living there.
Yes, this was in my other blog but it’s Thanksgiving night and almost 3 am. If I want to update daily y’ll have to cut me some slack. Besides, this was too good not to include.
Today we were headed to the wolf preserve and after Southport (locals will know where that is) we had no cell service. Here’s a conversation we had:
Me: WTF am I supposed to do if there was a zombie attack? I have no cell service!
Rich: I think a cell phone is the last thing you’d need.
Me: Why? I’d need to call the authorities.
Rich: Why? Everything would be shot to hell, why would you call the police? You’d need guns.
Me: But not if we were the first to see them! We’d need to tell the others and how am I going to do that without cell service out in the boonies. And how do these people that live in these areas use a cell phone?
Rich: I guess they don’t.
The other day when we were going to the doggie party I woke up with my back hurting. I took a prescription I had with me in the truck so that I could take some after I ate. Well, by the time I ate something my back wasn’t hurting so I had left the pills in the truck. They’re in a different bottle.
Rich: What are those?
Me: My Tramadol.
Rich: What if we get stopped?
Me: Why? They’re not illegal.
Rich: And you call yourself a criminology major? You can’t have those in the truck in a different bottle. That’s illegal.
Me: OMG I wasn’t even thinking! There’s enough there for them to put me in jail for dealing. That’s like a dealer quantity.
So now I’m nervous all the way home just because I know they’re legal and all that but yeah, I had them in a different bottle because I combined them all and well, it could look suspicious. I made sure to take them out of the truck when I got home and put them away. I haven’t even taken one in I don’t know how long but there they were, all ready for me to be arrested for dealing drugs.
Criminology major fail.
So the other night we were at Longhorn’s having dinner and Rich starts bumping me. At the same time the waitress is asking me something so I couldn’t look. Besides, I didn’t want to stare.
Rich: Why didn’t you look?
Me: At what? I was talking to the waitress, what’d I miss?
Rich: The one time there is a guy in a short kilt you miss it.
Me: I missed a kilt wearing guy? What else? Was he wearing sandals? Besides, I didn’t want to whip my head around in case you were pointing out someone crippled or something.
Now I feel I must interject at this point. We do not point and stare at people with disabilities. One of my family members will, however. One time we had lunch and she pointed to a person with one of the neck brace things you have after surgery with all of the metal stuff. I was like, “M’kay, so?” but I digress.
Rich: Why would he have on sandals? I didn’t say he was a crossdresser, he had on a kilt.
Me: I didn’t mean that, I just wondered what shoes he had on with it.
Rich: Never mind.
Hey, it’s not my fault the waitress was overly nice and I didn’t want to whip my head around to look at something.
We had a doggie party to attend yesterday and our four legged friends were invited too. We opted not to bring them because the twins can be wild and Swan likes to nip at others. So as I am getting ready the twins start fighting.
Me: And that’s why you can’t go to the party!
Later that night I go to pet our quaker, Callie and he bit at me.
Me: Don’t bite me
Callie: You okay?
See, it’s not just conversations with Rich that are amusing to me.
Last night I’m reading my Kindle in bed. It has a night light and it’s pretty bright. Or would that be a book light? Whatever, don’t judge me. So Rich wakes up and says:
Rich: Does that light have to be so bright?
Me: I’m reading the bible and God said that if his light shines down and wakes you up it’s a good thing.
Rich: Okay, whatever you say.
I really was reading the bible which led to this conversation later.
Me: Know what else I found in the bible? (I found Dothan in there earlier, like the city in Alabama)
Me: Unicorns! I kid you not! (I go find the passage it’s in since I bookmarked it to prove I’m not nuts)
Me: I wonder if they missed the Ark? Oh wait, this was mentioned after Noah’s Ark. Wonder what happened to them?
So I go on Google and sure enough, Unicorns in the Bible is this huge search so it’s not just me and I wasn’t nuts at all.
I’m enjoying the Bible but I keep telling Rich that God was pretty angry back in the old testament. He smote a lot of people and seemed very disappointed with everyone back then. I kind of wish I’d started with the New Testament because the Old Testament is way hard to understand. I’m kind of lost. I just know that God had a lot of rules, he was angry a lot and there were unicorns. Now that’s not being disrespectful to God because I am glad I am reading it and I bet he is too but was just surprised on a lot of things and again, no one ever told me there were unicorns! What gives?