A couple of these are old shorts from my other blog or either Facebook but hey, they work here too.
Rich: I took out some stuff from my iPhone
Me: Did you Google it first to make sure it wouldn’t mess anything up?
Rich: No. What’d you do before Google anyway?
Me: F*ck things up.
Back when we were getting our new central heat and air unit installed.
Me: We have no a/c, hence the rugged look.
Home Depot Girl: I can top that, I only have window units.
Me: I’ll call your window units and raise you two fans.
Home Depot Girl: You win.
I got Showgirls on BluRay and since there was nothing on television tonight we decided to watch it for the umpteenth time.
Me: So if I were a dancer and I were auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance I’d do the audition for Goddess in Showgirls and use the same music and the judges would be all like, “Is she really doing the Showgirls movie dance?” and then I’d be one of those people that they spotlight on the show.
Rich: Do you need the thermometer to check to see if your fever is back?
Today we were waiting for Rich’s family to come over for Christmas so he was putting out their presents and I was putting on my makeup.
Me: When you come by can you throw me the remote? I’m tired of watching how things are made. It’s boring.
Rich: You’ll just choose some show where someone needs to lose weight or takes drugs or something.
Me: Yes but making bricks is boring.
Rich: That’s over, what are they making now.
Rich: Organs sounds interesting.
So I turn it to Bridalplasty.
Rich: See, I told you!
Me: That’s not a show about either of those things you mentioned.
Rich: Yes it is. She is exercising to fit into her wedding dress so it is.
On a side note, we are both sick with food poisoning and oddly haven’t murdered each other yet. I believe it is due to being way too ill to make the effort. And it’s Christmas!
So tonight Rich says…
Rich: Is someone throwing up in there?
Me: I’m not sure, let me look. OMG yes. Yuck! It was Blitz. I’ll feed the them if you clean this up.
Rich: You should have given them any of your stuffing.
Me: Um, I see noodles and I didn’t give them noodles. That was you! There are tons of noodles in this vomit.
So I love Glee. If it’s a repeat I still tape it and watch the songs I like. So last night was the Christmas show and I had missed the first 15 minutes when it originally aired. I was skipping ahead to the songs after I caught up and “Baby It’s Cold Outside” was playing.
Rich: “incoherent mumbling”
Me: You shouldn’t make fun of that song, Curt has the most beautiful, pure voice ever.
Rich: I wasn’t making fun. I was saying that after we watched it the first time I had that song stuck in my head for days. Now I will again.
If it helps, I’ve had “New York, New York” in my head for days as well! Here is the video in case you want to see it.
Before we start, I have the sense of humor of a junior high school boy. So anything on this topic makes me get the giggles and snorts.
Rich: OMG which one of you dogs stunk up the room?
Me: I think it was Blitz…oh wait, it’s him, he’s smelling his butt.
About this time Blitz high tails it out of the room.
Rich: OMG you stinky wh*re. You smell so bad it even made you leave the room!
At this point I burst into …yep, giggles and snorts. Between Blitz and Swan, it’s a good thing we have candles and air freshener in the house. Donner isn’t so bad but when he does do it, you hear it. That also sends me into fits of laughter.
Obviously like I said, we’re way late on putting up decorations but here’s a couple of funny shorts.
Rich: Half of these lights are out and I may not put them up.
Me: We need lights on the house.
Rich: I have the other stuff out there, I didn’t want to put these lights up anyway.
Me: Well, aren’t you a boatload of effing Christmas joy?
Me: I put the dog’s head on backwards on this decoration. He looks like The Exorcist. (I since remedied the dog’s head and he is now a normal Christmas light up decoration)
Rich is outside bringing out Christmas decorations. Yes, we are late getting them up. Anyway…
Rich: Your redheaded child is killing stuffed animals. (that’d be Blitz)
Me: What happened?
Rich: I threw him a toy to play with and he brought it back and went all, “blahhhhhhhhh!!!!!” and tore off its head. There is stuffing everywhere.
Remember the conversation we had about the Christmas party? Here’s another.
Rich: The CEO wants to go on that Christmas party for the company.
Me: Well, the company is having fiscal issues this quarter and there is not enough funds for a party. The owner will have to see what we can do and get back to you.
Still no party yet but things can change in a minute so here’s hoping we can actually go out, etc.
Tonight we had gone out for a bit and as we were leaving a restaurant a song came on I like. It was New Girl Now by Honeymoon Suite just in case you cared. So I turn it up. Rich gets on the phone and turns it down.
Me: What the hell? I told you I like that song.
Rich: Well don’t turn it up when I get on the phone.
Me: Well, don’t get on the phone when I like a song!
Later on, China Grove comes on.
Me: Is that like a Viet Nam song because I have no idea what it’s about. (Turns out this is a popular search, you can read what it means here.)
Rich: I don’t know but for years I thought it was CCR.
Rich: Oh you didn’t know it was The Hollies either.
Me: Yes I did and it’s not The Hollies, it’s The Doobie Brothers…sheesh.