Me: can you turn down the bass in the Hummer a little?
Me: it was a little pounding yesterday when I drove it. I can do it but not sure how to get out of the program.
Rich: just push the replay whatever button, etc
Me:yeah, I was jamming to some John Denver and….
Rich: let me stop you right there. There is no jamming and John Denver in the same sentence.
Me: I’m going to take nuts to the park to feed the deer.
Rich: You better shell them first.
Me: Why? Nuts are natural, they can eat them.
Rich: Oh, because deer come across peanut fields all the time at the park.
I have on pink capri’s, a grey plaid Nautica fleece kind of shirt, and white Polo tennis shoes. Rich says, “Is that your golf outfit, Muffy?”
We are watching a movie.
Me: I know nothing about this movie; they might murder little ponies for all I know.
*kills a sheep onscreen*
Me: see, why do movies have to show that? I understand people eat lamb and stuff for food but sheep?
Rich: sheep is lamb, dummy.
Me: wait – *sings Mary Had a Little Lamb* in my head – oh, never mind
We were looking up some swamp tours for our trip to New Orleans.
Me: Y’all getton outta heah. (said in a Cajun accent)
Rich: Get offa my land.
Me: Hey, we’re doing a pretty good Cajun accent.
Rich: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
Me: It’s better than me trying to do a British one.
Rich: You get off my land
Rich: What was that? I sounded like Snagglepuss! This is NOT a Heart at Home!
*no offense meant to any specific accent.
We were driving home and Here Comes My Girl by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came on the radio.
Me: Leave it there, I love that song. It’s my favorite Tom Petty one.
Rich: Not mine
Me: No listen, it’s brilliant. When he’s talking about the town being useless and stuff like that, the music is more harsh and solemn. When he talks about his girl though, the music brightens and becomes happy.
Me: I can’t help it if you don’t understand the arts.
Rich: Do I have work clothes for tomorrow?
Me: I’ve got to do laundry but I know you have a work shirt in there so you’re good for one more day.
Rich: I have no pants though; I’m not Donald Duck – I think they’d have a problem with me going to work without pants.
We were passing by this old greenhouse….
Me: Those are so neat; if I had a mansion I’d have a greenhouse like the one in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. I’d definitely have a pool, of course. Maybe a tennis court.
Rich: Nah, I wouldn’t.
Me: Oh, and definitely an indoor gym. Yeah, for sure.
Rich: As opposed to an outdoor prison gym? Who has an outdoor gym?
Me: I’m so going to post that on Heard at Home. I’ll send myself an email.
Rich: You can tell Siri to send a note, you know. You don’t use your phone right.
Me: Says the person who still uses AOL and Internet Explorer
Rich sends me a story about that guy leaving One Direction.
Me: You do know it’s One Republic I like, right?
Me: Can you print this? I am out of color ink, yo.
I sent it to Dr. Pepper (had a $5 gift card for Walmart) instead of Rich
Dr. Pepper: The coupon can be printed in black and white. If not, let us know and provide a mailing address.
Me: That was meant to go to my husband. I apologize for my unprofessional email.
Me to Rich: I’m going to pour water all over you if you fall asleep again during the TV show.
Rich: You know what’ll happen if you do?
Me: You mean like a Lifetime movie type thing? Or some kind of regular thing?