Rich sends me a story about that guy leaving One Direction.
Me: You do know it’s One Republic I like, right?
Me: Can you print this? I am out of color ink, yo.
I sent it to Dr. Pepper (had a $5 gift card for Walmart) instead of Rich
Dr. Pepper: The coupon can be printed in black and white. If not, let us know and provide a mailing address.
Me: That was meant to go to my husband. I apologize for my unprofessional email.
Rich: You know those people that spent all kinds of money on the Twinkies and stuff may have done it too early.
Rich: They are supposedly stopping the sale of Hostess and it may not go out of business.
Me: Oh, that’s good but yeah, they’d feel silly that they paid $10 for a box of Twinkies.
Kim: You know what I’d miss the most? Not Twinkies but Ding Dongs.
Rich: You can get stuff that tastes like those.
Kim: No, nothing tastes like a Ding Dong.
Rich: I guess you used all of the rest of the cheese for the grits the other night, right?
Me: Oh darn, yeah sorry about that. Oh wait, there’s some Queso Blanco cheese in the fridge.
Rich: Really? (sarcastic reply)
Me: What’s wrong with that? It’s that special Mexican cheese.
Rich: Are you kidding? You do know what Queso Blanco means, right?
Me: Oh wait, queso equals cheese and blanco is white. Hey wait, it’s just regular old white cheese? I thought it was special Mexican cheese.
Rich and I were watching this special on human trafficking on Lifetime. Actually, I wanted to watch it, he just came along for the ride. Anyway, they were telling about this one lady that had gotten out of jail and was living with her two boys.
Rich: I was thinking, “Why would anyone name their kid Two.”
Rich: They said that she was now living with her two boys, one and two but I thought they said, “She is now living with her two boys, Juan and Two.”
We were driving home tonight and I saw some gas prices.
Me: How come they always do 9/10 of a gallon? Why isn’t it just a gallon?
Me: It reads $3.63 and 9/10
Rich: That’s the price.
Me: Huh? It’s 9/10 of a gallon.
Rich: No it’s not, that’s the price. It just makes it look cheaper.
Me: So if I see $3.63 and 9/10 I’m really paying $3.64? I never knew that all these years.
Rich: I wouldn’t tell anyone.
Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.
Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?
Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.
Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)
Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.
Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.
Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.
I was talking to my friend Mel and she was telling me about falling asleep while talking to someone.
Me: OMG I know.
Mel: I don’t even know what I said to that person either.
Me: Well, you know how you doze off and say weird things or start to dream? I was talking on the phone with this paid survey company and dozed off. I blurted out, “DOLPHINS KISSING.”
Mel: ROFL Where did that even come from?
Me: I have no idea but it made me wake right up and I tried to fix it. But you can’t fix DOLPHINS KISSING.
Mel: I know, you can’t fix something DOLPHINS KISSING at all.
Mel: My Sim is a hoarder
Me: Did I ever tell you about the time Rich thought I had a stroke?
Me: I had gotten a Brazilian wax kit and it had numbing gel. Somehow when boxing it back up I touched my face and we were at Sam’s Club and my face went numb. Rich thought I’d had a stroke and was going to take me to the hospital till I figured out it was the waxing gel.
We were headed to Port Canaveral and were passing through St Augustine.
Me: it was founded in 1565. That’s like what, 5000 years?
Rich: are you kidding me?
Me: wait, more like 500 years.
Rich: Why didn’t we use these almonds in our stuffing?
Me: I dunno but those candied walnuts were sure yummy.
Rich: Here, taste them. See if they are still okay.
Me: OMG those taste like plastic furniture. Ack. Pbbbbt.
Rich: Yuck, you’re right.
Me: What’d you do, taste them in solidarity? I already told you they were bad.
Rich: Solidarity? I’m not Nelson Mandella.