Random stuff heard around the house


Smiting Conversation

I was helping do the DNS settings on Rich’s laptop and I got annoyed that he tried to print out the instructions rather than just tab back and forth. I’ve had a cold so I started coughing.

Rich: That’s God smiting you for being so mean.

Me: What’d you do to piss him off so that he made you stupid?

(okay that sounds awful but he actually started laughing – it was all in good fun)


Scammer Conversations

Me: I get the weirdest spam. It’s so odd I actually enjoy reading it. This one says, “Check out this Judy photo and find me on facebook if you had ever seen something alike!!!”

Rich: WTF does that even mean?

Me: Did you read the News Herald one about the grandma that got scammed? Her supposed grandson called her from Dominican Republic and he was in the hospital, etc and she sent $3000.

Rich: Where are these people anyway that can just pull $3000 out of their ass to pay some scammer? I’m sure there are grandchildren they could spend that money on to buy a pony or something.

Me: You know ****hidden to protect the person** would argue with them and be all like, “You’re where” I don’t know where that even is. You know I need that money for bills.

Inadvertently Offending Someone’s Family Conversation

I was talking on Facebook with a friend from high school that I haven’t talked to in years. We got on the subject of horror and I’ll just kind of cut and paste this conversation exactly as it happened.

Me: and ps if dean koontz adds another sickly sweet super smart kid to his books i plan to do more than criticize lol

Aaron: lkr and plz get rid of the damn white van in evry story…Jeez

Me: LOL true

Aaron: there are other colors

Me: ha and other vehicles i mean really, who drives a van these days?

Aaron: anything changed would be nice

Me: pedophiles from 1978 lol that’s who still drives a van

Aaron: Great I will let my dad know LOL

Internet Conversation


I like to tease Rich about the last time we had a discussion about the Internet. Now I just swipe my hand across the air and he gets it, which means he usually flips me off. This is why I swipe the air.




Interwebz Conversation

So I’m talking to Rich and I say:

Me: Do you know something that you say that drives me nuts?

Rich: What?

Me: You say offline instead of online.

Rich: What?

Me: Like that guy asked you where you get the restaurant discounts and you said they got them offline. It’s online, not offline. Sure, it’s not as bad as the interline that I’ve heard someone say but it’s still not right.

Rich: Good Lord, who cares. I don’t make fun of you.

Me: Yes, you do. Every time I talk you make fun of my accent so we’re even.

So a few minutes later…..

Rich: You should have sent us some ice cream or something today after having to work in the heat.

Me: Now how exactly would I do that? Oh wait, I could have ordered something offline!

Rich: I need to change the oil tomorrow, can I use your head as a prop to hold the truck in place?