I was talking to my friend Mel and she was telling me about falling asleep while talking to someone.
Me: OMG I know.
Mel: I don’t even know what I said to that person either.
Me: Well, you know how you doze off and say weird things or start to dream? I was talking on the phone with this paid survey company and dozed off. I blurted out, “DOLPHINS KISSING.”
Mel: ROFL Where did that even come from?
Me: I have no idea but it made me wake right up and I tried to fix it. But you can’t fix DOLPHINS KISSING.
Mel: I know, you can’t fix something DOLPHINS KISSING at all.
Mel: My Sim is a hoarder
Me: Did I ever tell you about the time Rich thought I had a stroke?
Me: I had gotten a Brazilian wax kit and it had numbing gel. Somehow when boxing it back up I touched my face and we were at Sam’s Club and my face went numb. Rich thought I’d had a stroke and was going to take me to the hospital till I figured out it was the waxing gel.
Rich and I were talking about rabies and stuff.
Rich: They are having free rabies vaccinations here. We should take the dogs and get their shots updated.
Me: I know. With all the squirrels, possums, and birds they chase around like doves and stuff it’d be a good idea.
Rich: When have you known a bird to have rabies?
Rich: Bats aren’t birds you idiot. Bats are mammals.
Me: I know, I just wasn’t thinking.
Rich: Did you even take biology in school?
Me: I took it, failed it and retook it.
Rich: You were high during the entire high school years, weren’t you?
So we’re cooking dinner (shrimp salad in case you wondered) and this commercial comes on for Golden Corral showing their new chocolate fountain.
Rich: OMG say what?
Me: I would totally eat that.
Rich: Me too. I’d be like in Willy Wonka!
Me: I want it and I want it now (said in my Veruca Salt voice)
Rich: Veruca Salt never ate the chocolate. It’s Augustus.
Me: Well, I can’t do the guy’s voice that has to be you.
Rich: Oh great, so I’m the fat German kid?
I’m doing an article on fur boots for one of the companies I write for. I am including faux fur and real fur only as a choice for those that want to read about it.
Me: These Fendi boots are over $1700 in American money and £1100 in UK money and they are raccoon fur. They don’t even say if the raccoons are treated humanely or if they are killed for the fur.
Rich: How do you think they get the fur from the raccoon?
Me: Maybe they shear them.
Rich: They only shear sheep as far as I know.
Me: Does this mean my rabbit fur coat in the 80’s caused bunny deaths? 😦
PS do not try to look this up and see for yourself or you’ll only see awful sites from PETA that you don’t want to hear about. In my defense, I didn’t know about bunnies dying in the 80’s for my pimpin’ jacket.
I was talking to a friend about someone sending her some money and she had expected much more.
Me: I bet she built that all up too, didn’t she?
Mel: She sure did!
Me: I call that the troll syndrome. When I worked at the newspaper years ago this guy liked me and said he had a gift for me. He built it up all week long and do you know what it was when I got it?
Mel: No, what!
Me: A freaking troll doll. You know those kind you put on a pencil with the big hair? That’s what he gave me as a gift.
We’re headed home listening to some music on Sirius XM the Boneyard, which plays retro rock. This song comes on by YES called Hold On.
Me: OMG I haven’t heard that song in years and it’s like my favorite YES song. Wow!
Rich: Can you believe my dad bought Pink Floyd?
So the conversation keeps going a while.
Me: When I was younger we’d go every weekend to either my Granddad’s house in Ebro or my Uncle Clinzy’s house in Freeport and both are like so far away. So sometimes my dad would choose the radio station and it was always bluegrass. I hated it and would throw a tantrum.
Rich: Didn’t you have a walkman or something?
Me: Not back then; later though.
Rich: My parents always dragged me to stuff like Mel Tillis or what’s the Mexican guy?
Me: You mean Freddy Fender?
Rich: That’s it!
Me: I’ll be there before the next teardrop falls.
Rich: Yes, that’s him. We met all those people.
Me: I actually like Freddy Fender’s music. I met Porter Wagoner. Oh and those monkeys that ride the tiny dogs at the rodeo.
Driving down the road…
Rich: What kind of tires did that truck have?
Me: I have no idea but it sounded like an alien ship.
Rich: I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking that.
Earlier we saw the local pirate ship in the bay while crossing the bridge, which got me to thinking…and rambling nonsensically
Me: I wish you could go back in time just to look at things. I don’t mean mess with anything because we all know how that turns out but just see stuff. Like see this area in the 1700’s or see dinosaurs or something. In fact, maybe like a magic television in Heaven where you could dial in a year and location and visit it and observe. Except God would be like, “You watched enough TV while you were alive, now you’re still doing it.”
A conversation we had the other night going down the road. I was flipping channels on the Sirius radio and came across Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John on the 70’s station.
Me: This song has a special place in my heart. Remember why?
Rich: Uh, no.
Me: Yeah remember? The first time we got HBO hooked up years ago this was the first thing playing. It was Elton John in Central Park and he was playing this song.
Rich: *sarcastic* Mmmm, kay. That’s lame.
Me: HBO is not lame!
About this time another song comes on which was Slow Ride by Foghat.
Me: Oh lookie, you can tell me how you played this song over and over at Miracle Strip! That’s your special memory.
Rich: Shut up
Rich: Hey dumbass, it’s a sportscar, the gas is on the right, use it.
As you can read, the conversation moved on to other subjects.