Rich: I see that “Mike” from Breaking Bad found a new home. He’s on Vegas playing a mobster. Far stretch, huh?
Me: He needs to be on a Christmas special. Something where he’s a kind, elderly gentleman that just wants his son to visit for the holidays.
Rich: Yeah right. Did Walter Matthau die or something?
Me: Yeah, like 12 years ago. 😦
Rich: You know those people that spent all kinds of money on the Twinkies and stuff may have done it too early.
Rich: They are supposedly stopping the sale of Hostess and it may not go out of business.
Me: Oh, that’s good but yeah, they’d feel silly that they paid $10 for a box of Twinkies.
Kim: You know what I’d miss the most? Not Twinkies but Ding Dongs.
Rich: You can get stuff that tastes like those.
Kim: No, nothing tastes like a Ding Dong.
We were eating at iHop tonight and here is a conversation with our waiter.
Waiter: Can I get you some ketchup or mayonnaise to go with your burger?
Rich: A1 will be fine if you have it.
Waiter: All of them?
Rich: No, A1.
Waiter: Any one?
Hilarity ensued. Although after he got the A1 then Rich wanted mayonnaise after all.
Rich: I guess you used all of the rest of the cheese for the grits the other night, right?
Me: Oh darn, yeah sorry about that. Oh wait, there’s some Queso Blanco cheese in the fridge.
Rich: Really? (sarcastic reply)
Me: What’s wrong with that? It’s that special Mexican cheese.
Rich: Are you kidding? You do know what Queso Blanco means, right?
Me: Oh wait, queso equals cheese and blanco is white. Hey wait, it’s just regular old white cheese? I thought it was special Mexican cheese.
So we are getting ready to head out to the beach to check out Tropical Storm Debbie and since I slept late, it’s already pouring. Rich got himself a jacket and headed to the truck. When I opened the door too, the rain was coming down in buckets so I grabbed a jacket too. When I got in the truck I saw a second jacket. Later we were at the pier and got ready to leave and he used the second jacket to cover up the camera bag.
Me: Wait a minute, did you really leave without getting me a jacket?
Rich: I thought you’d grab one.
Me: And did you really grab a jacket just for the camera bag?? Really? You didn’t get me one but you got the camera bag a jacket? Are you kidding me?
Rich: The camera can get damaged in the rain, you won’t.
I was helping do the DNS settings on Rich’s laptop and I got annoyed that he tried to print out the instructions rather than just tab back and forth. I’ve had a cold so I started coughing.
Rich: That’s God smiting you for being so mean.
Me: What’d you do to piss him off so that he made you stupid?
(okay that sounds awful but he actually started laughing – it was all in good fun)
My best friend Melissa (you’re my best friend too, Judy) loved this and she’s black so no one should be offended – she wasn’t. She thought it was hilarious.
Rich: I had the craziest dream last night.
Me: What happened?
Rich: We were on a trip somewhere and this black lady was serving me fried chicken but she charged whatever they wanted to it was like $35 for two lunches.
Me: That’s a totally racist dream.
Rich: WTF, how is that even racist?
Me: You had a black lady making fried chicken. I suppose if she’d been Mexican you’d have been buying tacos.
Rich: Since when have you ever seen a Mexican person work in a chicken joint?
Rich and I were watching this special on human trafficking on Lifetime. Actually, I wanted to watch it, he just came along for the ride. Anyway, they were telling about this one lady that had gotten out of jail and was living with her two boys.
Rich: I was thinking, “Why would anyone name their kid Two.”
Rich: They said that she was now living with her two boys, one and two but I thought they said, “She is now living with her two boys, Juan and Two.”
We were driving home tonight and I saw some gas prices.
Me: How come they always do 9/10 of a gallon? Why isn’t it just a gallon?
Me: It reads $3.63 and 9/10
Rich: That’s the price.
Me: Huh? It’s 9/10 of a gallon.
Rich: No it’s not, that’s the price. It just makes it look cheaper.
Me: So if I see $3.63 and 9/10 I’m really paying $3.64? I never knew that all these years.
Rich: I wouldn’t tell anyone.
Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.
Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?
Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.
Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)
Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.
Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.
Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.