Random stuff heard around the house

Not us

Typecasting Conversation

Rich: I see that “Mike” from Breaking Bad found a new home. He’s on Vegas  playing a mobster. Far stretch, huh?

Me: He needs to be on a Christmas special. Something where he’s a kind, elderly gentleman that just wants his son to visit for the holidays.

Rich: Yeah right. Did Walter Matthau die or something?

Me: Yeah, like 12 years ago. 😦

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iHop Conversation

We were eating at iHop tonight and here is a conversation with our waiter.

Waiter: Can I get you some ketchup or mayonnaise to go with your burger?

Rich: A1 will be fine if you have it.

Waiter: All of them?

Rich: No, A1.

Waiter: Any one?

Hilarity ensued. Although after he got the A1 then Rich wanted mayonnaise after all.

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Scammer Conversations

Me: I get the weirdest spam. It’s so odd I actually enjoy reading it. This one says, “Check out this Judy photo and find me on facebook if you had ever seen something alike!!!”

Rich: WTF does that even mean?

Me: Did you read the News Herald one about the grandma that got scammed? Her supposed grandson called her from Dominican Republic and he was in the hospital, etc and she sent $3000.

Rich: Where are these people anyway that can just pull $3000 out of their ass to pay some scammer? I’m sure there are grandchildren they could spend that money on to buy a pony or something.

Me: You know ****hidden to protect the person** would argue with them and be all like, “You’re where” I don’t know where that even is. You know I need that money for bills.


Inadvertently Offending Someone’s Family Conversation

I was talking on Facebook with a friend from high school that I haven’t talked to in years. We got on the subject of horror and I’ll just kind of cut and paste this conversation exactly as it happened.

Me: and ps if dean koontz adds another sickly sweet super smart kid to his books i plan to do more than criticize lol

Aaron: lkr and plz get rid of the damn white van in evry story…Jeez

Me: LOL true

Aaron: there are other colors

Me: ha and other vehicles i mean really, who drives a van these days?

Aaron: anything changed would be nice

Me: pedophiles from 1978 lol that’s who still drives a van

Aaron: Great I will let my dad know LOL


Two Short Conversations of Dumbness

Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.

Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?

Me: What?

Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

Me: Oh……

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Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)

Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.

Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.

Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.

Melissa: Oh…..

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Dating Conversation

Rich has a co-worker that joined a local dating site and this is what the conversation was.

Rich: So, F***ster joined a dating site and a girl wanted to meet him on a Saturday. So he shows up and four other guys showed up too.

Me: WTF?

Rich: Turns out she wanted help moving.

Me: OMG

Rich: One guy told her to go f*ck herself but F***ster actually stayed and helped her move.

Me: ………………..

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Time Conversation

Rich was talking to a sort of co-worker at work and was discussing the new year.

Rich: We’ll probably go out to Pier Park and watch the ball drop, etc.

Person: What time are they having all of that?

Rich: Well, the fireworks and ball drop is at midnight of course.

Person: Why are they doing it that late? I’ll be in bed!

Rich: Um, that’s when the new year is……….

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Not My Conversation

I overheard this conversation with a friend. I bears repeating since it was rather funny.

Friend: I hope the makeover actually puts more makeup on me. Like, what if they just do skin care and I have to drive home with no makeup?

Other friend: Yeah, that would suck too.

Friend: My luck I’d get arrested and go to jail with no makeup. Like that last time, except this time I’d be wearing pants.

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Siri Conversation

I was enjoying my Assistant on Droid, which is similar to Siri on iPhone. Although it’s not exactly the same, it’ll still do fun stuff. Like I asked stuff like if it liked me and it would answer things like, “You are a great friend.” So we kept getting more silly about it till finally Rich asked it a question and this is what happened at Starbucks.

Me: Rich asked it, “How do I murder my wife and get away with it.” Then my assistant answered, “I’ve been wondering that myself.”

Cue hilarious laughter

Rich: You do realize there is a cop right behind us, right? I mean, really?

Cop: Hey, I didn’t hear a thing.

Starbucks friend: Hey, we know them, they’re okay I swear.

Cop: …………..

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Misunderstanding Mexico Conversation

Me: We were at the pet store and they had the cutest little bull terrier puppies, kind of like pugs. And I petted a cockatoo but he kept trying to eat my buttons. Oh and they had a hedgehog and chinchillas.

Mel: What are chinchillas?

Me: They’re little animals with the softest fur ever. Some people make coats out of them because of the fur but they are so adorable.

Mel: Wait, I thought chinchillas were a Mexican food.

Me:…………….

Me: Lord, I’ll look them up. Okay it says they are from the Andes Mountains in South America and…..

Mel: See, I told you they were from Mexico.

Me:……………………………….!!!!!

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