Random stuff heard around the house

shorts

Food Conversation

We were at a restaurant and the waiter had brought us more fries even though we had fries. He thought the first ones weren’t cooked right but they were perfect. Rich finishes his fries and takes the new ones and moves them.

Me: What are you doing with the fries? Those are half mine.

Rich: I was just moving them. You’re pretty selfish with your food.

Me: During the apocalypse, I will cut you over a pork chop.

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Two Short Conversations of Dumbness

Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.

Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?

Me: What?

Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

Me: Oh……

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Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)

Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.

Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.

Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.

Melissa: Oh…..

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Dating Conversation

Rich has a co-worker that joined a local dating site and this is what the conversation was.

Rich: So, F***ster joined a dating site and a girl wanted to meet him on a Saturday. So he shows up and four other guys showed up too.

Me: WTF?

Rich: Turns out she wanted help moving.

Me: OMG

Rich: One guy told her to go f*ck herself but F***ster actually stayed and helped her move.

Me: ………………..

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Math Conversation

We were headed to Port Canaveral and were passing through St Augustine.

Me: it was founded in 1565. That’s like what, 5000 years?

Rich: are you kidding me?

Me: wait, more like 500 years.

Rich: “…………


Shoes Conversation

There is a disclaimer that all of these were ran past my friend that is black and she thought the shoe conversation was hilarious so there is no ill will or hatred meant in this but yes, I had this conversation.

Me: Rich, help me find my sandals before we go out because my feet hurt. (the dogs push them under the sofa and I lose them)

Rich: I only see the lizard ones and one of each of the other two. Which ones do you want?

Me: The lizard ones hurt my feet. Just give me the blacks or the Mexicans. Oh Lord, that sounded like I was hiring someone.

(one pair is black and the other pair I got in Mexico)

 

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Comcast Conversation

This actually took place today after I called for about the 50th time about our DVR cutting off shows.

Me: Yes, I’m calling because our DVR is cutting off shows again and last night we missed four shows!

Comcast guy: Did you miss True Blood too?

Me: Wow, how did you know?

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Positivity Conversation

Me: Hey, they are having a thought process and the laws of attraction class on Tuesday nights at Capstone House. You can go with me and learn to think more positive!

Rich: I doubt it’d work.

Me: ………………

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Smart Phone Conversations

We were headed out to get coffee and Faithfully by Journey came on the radio. Rich pulled up his lighter app and we waved it around. Then I said that I needed to download that app, etc.

Me: You do realize we’re like the Geico commercial now where people do dumb things with smart phones?

Here is the video in case you haven’t seen it.

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Another Apocalyptic Conversation

I was talking to my friend on the phone and joking about stockpiles after the apocalypse. Whether it be a zombie one, EMP’s or whatever; the first thing to go will be the city water supply considering ours goes out once in a while over nothing. So I was wondering how to use the bathroom.

Me: Oh wait, we have that Doggie Dooley system in the backyard. We can use the bathroom there! You just open it up and we even have the enzymes that kill the stuff.

Me: Or we can refill the toilet water with pool water!

Rich: Yeah but the pipes will clog up because if the city waste water treatment plant isn’t working there’s nowhere for it to go.

Me: Okay, back to the Doggie Dooley.

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Short conversations

Winn Dixie has this new thing where you can’t take the carts out of their parking lot. It’s some kind of electrical thing that stops the wheels.

Me: What will we do in an apocalyptic situation when we come up here to get food and stuff to cart home? Wait, if the electricity is off I guess the carts could leave the perimeter.

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Watching the Voice tonight and one guy sang Angel by Sarah McLachlan.

Me: Now all we need are puppies on the stage. (reference to those sad Humane Society commercials)

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Watching Game of Thrones tonight where all of the barbarian guys start yelling to prepare for war.

Rich: What’s in your wallet?

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