Random stuff heard around the house

un-policitcally correct

Canada Conversation

I had taped a couple of shows on BIO TV about Killer Kids. BTW, do you still say taped if it’s a DVR? Anyway, we start watching them and they’re all in Canada.

Me: WTF, why are all of these in Canada? This is boring.

Rich: I’m glad you said that cause I hate it.

Me: Honestly, if it’s not Degrassi, Canada bores me.

Rich: What? LOL

Me: *turns off show and erases it* That’s it, I’m done with Canada.


Not a Racist Conversation

My best friend Melissa (you’re my best friend too, Judy) loved this and she’s black so no one should be offended – she wasn’t. She thought it was hilarious.

Rich: I had the craziest dream last night.

Me: What happened?

Rich: We were on a trip somewhere and this black lady was serving me fried chicken but she charged whatever they wanted to it was like $35 for two lunches.

Me: That’s a totally racist dream.

Rich: WTF, how is that even racist?

Me: You had a black lady making fried chicken. I suppose if she’d been Mexican you’d have been buying tacos.

Rich: Since when have you ever seen a Mexican person work in a chicken joint?


Inadvertently Offending Someone’s Family Conversation

I was talking on Facebook with a friend from high school that I haven’t talked to in years. We got on the subject of horror and I’ll just kind of cut and paste this conversation exactly as it happened.

Me: and ps if dean koontz adds another sickly sweet super smart kid to his books i plan to do more than criticize lol

Aaron: lkr and plz get rid of the damn white van in evry story…Jeez

Me: LOL true

Aaron: there are other colors

Me: ha and other vehicles i mean really, who drives a van these days?

Aaron: anything changed would be nice

Me: pedophiles from 1978 lol that’s who still drives a van

Aaron: Great I will let my dad know LOL


Misunderstanding Conversation

Rich and I were watching this special on human trafficking on Lifetime. Actually, I wanted to watch it, he just came along for the ride. Anyway, they were telling about this one lady that had gotten out of jail and was living with her two boys.

Rich: I was thinking, “Why would anyone name their kid Two.”

Me: Huh?

Rich: They said that she was now living with her two boys, one and two but I thought they said, “She is now living with her two boys, Juan and Two.”

Me: Bahahahahaha!

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Two Short Conversations of Dumbness

Me: I can’t believe my friend Amy was hit by a truck and she didn’t get the guy’s info. I know if some guy hit me while I was pregnant I’d be calling the cops.

Rich: Are you freaking kidding me?

Me: What?

Rich: It was metaphorical. She was saying she wasn’t feeling good and felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

Me: Oh……

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Melissa: (telling me something about Teen Mom)

Me: I watch some of those too but mostly just that season with Janelle and Tiffany.

Melissa: Yeah but you know what is stupid? They always show every scenario about the teen moms like having the baby and keeping it, having it and adopting it out and all. But you know they never show if they were to get an abortion.

Me: Then it wouldn’t be called Teen Mom.

Melissa: Oh…..

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Drugs Conversation

Rich: What are those pills you are taking?

Me: That’s tumeric. It’s for all kinds of stuff like arthritis, Alzheimer’s, achy joints, cancer, etc. It’s all natural, it’s a spice even.

Rich: I just wondered what you were taking.

Me: They’re not drugs drugs. They’re not illicit drugs.

Rich: Okay

Me: If I had some illicit drugs I’d be all over that.

Rich: Okay

Me: I wish I had some illicit drugs. They’d help my foot stop hurting.

Rich: Okay

Me: I’m serious. I need some real drugs.

Rich: Okay. I just asked what they were.

Me: I’m not playing, my feet hurt.

Rich: Okay

 

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Shoes Conversation

There is a disclaimer that all of these were ran past my friend that is black and she thought the shoe conversation was hilarious so there is no ill will or hatred meant in this but yes, I had this conversation.

Me: Rich, help me find my sandals before we go out because my feet hurt. (the dogs push them under the sofa and I lose them)

Rich: I only see the lizard ones and one of each of the other two. Which ones do you want?

Me: The lizard ones hurt my feet. Just give me the blacks or the Mexicans. Oh Lord, that sounded like I was hiring someone.

(one pair is black and the other pair I got in Mexico)

 

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No Fur Conversations

I’m doing an article on fur boots for one of the companies I write for. I am including faux fur and real fur only as a choice for those that want to read about it.

Me: These Fendi boots are over $1700 in American money and £1100 in UK money and they are raccoon fur. They don’t even say if the raccoons are treated humanely or if they are killed for the fur.

Rich: How do you think they get the fur from the raccoon?

Me: Maybe they shear them.

Rich: They only shear sheep as far as I know.

Me: Does this mean my rabbit fur coat in the 80’s caused bunny deaths? 😦

PS do not try to look this up and see for yourself or you’ll only see awful sites from PETA that you don’t want to hear about. In my defense, I didn’t know about bunnies dying in the 80’s for my pimpin’ jacket.

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No One Rides for Free Conversation

I was talking to Melissa and she had met a guy at the library who asked her out to lunch.

Mel: So we get finished eating our McDonalds food and he actually asked me if I wanted to go to his place and work the food off. When I said “huh” he asked if I wanted to squeak the bedsprings.

Me: Oh no he didn’t!

Mel: Yes he did and for McDonalds! I didn’t even get a value meal.

Me: For that he could have at least took you to Outback or bought you dessert.

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Ring Tone Conversations

I was trying to watch something and Rich kept playing music on his laptop.

Me: Do you have to do that and why are you playing the theme to Sanford and Son anyway?

Rich: I’m thinking of using it as a ringtone.

Me: Really. And who will be the black junkyard owner that gets the ring tone?

Rich: You can give me Melissa’s number.

**disclaimer** Melissa is fully aware of this conversation, loved it and gave her blessing to use it. In fact, she encourages me all the time to do an uncensored version of this blog but I haven’t quite gotten the nerve yet. This is due in part to those that read it will probably tell me sure, I can’t wait to read it, nothing offends me. They don’t even know! LOL

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