Random stuff heard around the house


Guns and Meth Heads Conversation

We’ve been wanting to go out to this remote area in the county so we can try to get milky way photos. Or is it photos of the galaxy? Regardless, it’s the awesome sky photos with all of the stars and colors.

Me: I wish we could bring a gun to that area when we go.

Rich: Why?

Me: What if we encounter something like meth heads or ghosts? Or zombies?

Rich: A gun won’t work on a ghost.

Me: I do still have my pepper spray that works.

Rich: I do not want to get that close to a meth head to spray them in the face with pepper spray. Not to mention if it’s windy and it ends up in our eyes.

Me: That’s why we take the gun.

Rich: We could always bring a baseball bat.

Me: Which still won’t work on a ghost.


Food Conversation

We were at a restaurant and the waiter had brought us more fries even though we had fries. He thought the first ones weren’t cooked right but they were perfect. Rich finishes his fries and takes the new ones and moves them.

Me: What are you doing with the fries? Those are half mine.

Rich: I was just moving them. You’re pretty selfish with your food.

Me: During the apocalypse, I will cut you over a pork chop.


Another Apocalyptic Conversation

I was talking to my friend on the phone and joking about stockpiles after the apocalypse. Whether it be a zombie one, EMP’s or whatever; the first thing to go will be the city water supply considering ours goes out once in a while over nothing. So I was wondering how to use the bathroom.

Me: Oh wait, we have that Doggie Dooley system in the backyard. We can use the bathroom there! You just open it up and we even have the enzymes that kill the stuff.

Me: Or we can refill the toilet water with pool water!

Rich: Yeah but the pipes will clog up because if the city waste water treatment plant isn’t working there’s nowhere for it to go.

Me: Okay, back to the Doggie Dooley.


Extreme Couponing Conversation

So we were watching Extreme Couponing on TLC and …

Rich: What are they going to do with all of that stuff?

Me: Well, if there was a zombie apocalypse they would need all that food.

Rich: You can’t eat razors and stuff.

Me: There’s food in those stockpiles and they’ll need it.

Rich: What they’ll need is guns. Besides, the neighbors will all break in and steal their stuff.

Me: You’re probably right.


Shooting Salesmen Conversation

We have a security system, which you know about if you’ve read any of the other recent posts here. Well, our sign attracts competitors constantly. Let’s say we have Company A. Company B sees the sign and knows we have already felt we wanted a system so they stop by constantly to offer us a “better” deal. I see their thought process but in my opinion your best customers are new customers. Totally new. However, I see what they are doing. They are thinking that if we already went with one company then we are open to the idea of another. Regardless, we’ll have up to 7 of these guys (usually from ADT) stop by in a month. It’s annoying. One stopped by when Rich was home.

Rich: He want to sell us another system as usual. I told him we were not interested and they had nothing like we have anyway.

Me: They saw our sign.

Rich: I should shoot them on the lawn. You can do that in Florida.

Me: LOL No you can’t. You have to feel threatened for your life. You can’t just shoot salesmen.

Rich: I know but we’ll say he was eyeballing our system and we felt threatened.

Now this was all in jest but it cracked me up. It might not make you laugh but we did. I promise you we don’t just shoot folks. Zombies, yes. Salespeople, not yet.


Zombie Hitchhiker Conversation

We went to Target tonight and in the parking lot was this guy standing very still and well, just standing there. It was quite creepy. So Starbucks is across the street so we had gone there afterward. As we are leaving the same guy had walked from the parking lot to Starbuck’s parking lot and stopped us as we were getting ready to leave. He wanted a ride to the hospital. I’m sorry, I’ll help someone out but not if they stumble over which hospital they are supposedly supposed to be at for a return appointment, something I’ve never even heard of for the ER, not that it’s not possible. We ended up not giving him a ride.

Rich: I hope I’m not going to hell for that one but he could have had anything planned. John Quinones will just have to understand. (His “What Would You Do” reference)

Kim: I don’t think John Quinones or God would think that you had to be unsafe and let someone you don’t know into your vehicle. Besides, he was that scary zombie guy and that’s just darn creepy.

Rich: Yeah, he crossed the parking lot and the highway to get to us and that makes no sense. He didn’t even ask anyone else in the parking lot.

We have a kind of high profile truck that is like an “I need money” magnet.

Me: Besides, why didn’t he ask us for some money for a cab? We would have done that perhaps but not let him into the truck. We don’t know who he was or what he’d do.

So what do you think? Would you have given a stranger a ride to the ER under those circumstances? PS the ER visit was for an infected toe which we could not see. Which led to his part of the conversation.

Kim: I should have made him show us his toe.

Rich: Then we could be like, “No way are you bringing that into our truck.”

That’s what led to the going to hell conversation. I put it last so you’d have background on what was going on. 🙂


WTF Conversations (A short)

Today we’re watching People’s Court and I was FF’ing to the actual case when this happened.

Rich: Why does the one guy have his eyes rolled back in his head where the whites are showing?

Me: (I start rewinding) I’m not sure what you’re talking ab…..OH MY GOD WHY DOES THAT GUY LOOK LIKE A DEAD ZOMBIE??? MAKE IT STOP!

Here’s a funny clip from The People’s Court sans zombie guy.


Holocaust Conversation (Add Zombies cause that’s how we roll)

So I was telling Rich about an article I got that I couldn’t wait to write; the top 10 Holocaust movies. So he is trying to help me think of movies and I get it, this is my genre that I love, not him. So I tell him what I have, which is:

  1. Schindler’s List
  2. Holocaust
  3. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
  4. Sophie’s Choice
  5. The Devil’s Arithmetic
  6. Life is Beautiful
  7. The Pianist
  8. The Reader
  9. Defiance
  10. Sunshine

But before I came to the last two (I’ve seen 1 through 8 and the last two are on my queue at Netflix), Rich thought he’d add some help.

Rich: What about the one with that guy you like with the big nose?

Me: Adrien Brody?

Rich: Yes!

Me: The Pianist? I have that.

Rich: The Pianist was a Holocaust movie?

Me: Where the hell were you when we watched it? Of course it is.

Rich: Fine. What about that movie you love, the one with the snow and zombies?

Me: OMG Do you mean Dead Snow?

Rich: Yeah that’s it.

Me: Okay, no way am I adding a zombie movie to my Holocaust list. And anyway, it’s not about the Holocaust, it just has zombie Nazis in it.

Hey, at least he tried to help. And we were not making fun of Adrien Brody’s nose either. I happen to think he’s cute; nose and all.

PS my favorites on this list are:

I wonder if I can count The Sound of Music? Cause that would surely be a favorite. I guess not really.


Another Zombie Conversation

So we’re getting ready to go out for a while on Sunday and AMC was playing a marathon of The Walking Dead. I flipped over to it while I put on my makeup and we were at the part where the one guy considers shooting his wife. He has the gun in the attic propped on a chair.

Me: I couldn’t shoot her. She’s just sad looking, not scary.

Rich: Well, it’s the one time you could get away with shooting your wife.

Me: Yeah you’d probably shoot me. Then again, I might not be all sad and lost like his wife, I’d be all, “Rwarrrr!” and angry.

Rich: As opposed to?

As you can see, he considers me a mean zombie he’d shoot. I’ll have him know that if he gets bitten I’m locking him out and mocking him from the safety of my boarded up window.


Rehash of Conversation

Don’t judge me, this was on my blog a while back but sometimes I have to recycle. Recycling is good you know! Plus, I worked 8 hours with a client (why do clients sound like something a prostitute works with?) yesterday and finished up a deposition for school today so I’m at a loss right now. Once in a while I’ll reuse material. Hey, comics do it all the time!

I can’t believe they only showed Sharktopus once! I can’t find it.
This was on last weekend and Rich fell asleep. Now he is obsessed in finding it. Could be the jealousy talking because I saw Sharktopus swimming when he was asleep. There’s a nifty trailer attached to that link. Oddly, we can’t find a repeat. Are the folks at SyFy making us wait so that we’ll be dying to see it once it re-airs?

Who peed on the grill?

That was Rich again but I’m pretty sure he was talking to the dogs.

I can’t believe you and your boss still find my zombie cell phone service theory funny.

That’s me because Rich told his boss about me saying that we’d need cell phone reception in case of a zombie attack. They seem to find it funny. We’ll see who is laughing when I call for help or to warn the others. That is, if I have cell phone reception.