Music Conversation
Me: can you turn down the bass in the Hummer a little?
Rich: Sure
Me: it was a little pounding yesterday when I drove it. I can do it but not sure how to get out of the program.
Rich: just push the replay whatever button, etc
Me:yeah, I was jamming to some John Denver and….
Rich: let me stop you right there. There is no jamming and John Denver in the same sentence.
Another Deer Conversation
Me: I’m going to take nuts to the park to feed the deer.
Rich: You better shell them first.
Me: Why? Nuts are natural, they can eat them.
Rich: Oh, because deer come across peanut fields all the time at the park.
Golf Conversation
I have on pink capri’s, a grey plaid Nautica fleece kind of shirt, and white Polo tennis shoes. Rich says, “Is that your golf outfit, Muffy?”
Sheep Conversation
We are watching a movie.
Me: I know nothing about this movie; they might murder little ponies for all I know.
*kills a sheep onscreen*
Me: see, why do movies have to show that? I understand people eat lamb and stuff for food but sheep?
Rich: sheep is lamb, dummy.
Me: wait – *sings Mary Had a Little Lamb* in my head – oh, never mind
Accents Conversation
We were looking up some swamp tours for our trip to New Orleans.
Me: Y’all getton outta heah. (said in a Cajun accent)
Rich: Get offa my land.
Me: Hey, we’re doing a pretty good Cajun accent.
Rich: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
Me: It’s better than me trying to do a British one.
Rich: You get off my land
Rich: What was that? I sounded like Snagglepuss! This is NOT a Heart at Home!
*no offense meant to any specific accent.
Tom Petty Conversation
We were driving home and Here Comes My Girl by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came on the radio.
Me: Leave it there, I love that song. It’s my favorite Tom Petty one.
Rich: Not mine
Me: No listen, it’s brilliant. When he’s talking about the town being useless and stuff like that, the music is more harsh and solemn. When he talks about his girl though, the music brightens and becomes happy.
Rich: Whatever
Me: I can’t help it if you don’t understand the arts.
Donald Duck Conversation
Rich: Do I have work clothes for tomorrow?
Me: I’ve got to do laundry but I know you have a work shirt in there so you’re good for one more day.
Rich: I have no pants though; I’m not Donald Duck – I think they’d have a problem with me going to work without pants.
Fancy Home and Technology Conversations
We were passing by this old greenhouse….
Me: Those are so neat; if I had a mansion I’d have a greenhouse like the one in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. I’d definitely have a pool, of course. Maybe a tennis court.
Rich: Nah, I wouldn’t.
Me: Oh, and definitely an indoor gym. Yeah, for sure.
Rich: As opposed to an outdoor prison gym? Who has an outdoor gym?
Me: I’m so going to post that on Heard at Home. I’ll send myself an email.
Rich: You can tell Siri to send a note, you know. You don’t use your phone right.
Me: Says the person who still uses AOL and Internet Explorer
Lifetime Movie Conversation
Me to Rich: I’m going to pour water all over you if you fall asleep again during the TV show.
Rich: You know what’ll happen if you do?
Me: You mean like a Lifetime movie type thing? Or some kind of regular thing?
…….
Morning Movie Conversation
We had to be up rather early for an appointment so I was sitting in the living room, putting on my makeup when Rich came in.
Rich: What the hell are you watching? What is this?
Me: The Devil’s Due – a horror movie.
Rich: Why can’t you watch Al Roker and see the weather in New Mexico or something normal? Why are you watching a horror movie at 9:00 AM?
Me: Because there wasn’t a Lifetime movie on.
Not the Right P
We were putting some photos in a weekly themed batch on a group page on Facebook.
Rich: You could use the peacock and I’ll use the P51 Mustang from the air show.
later that night…….
Me: Where is the phone you want of the P51? I’m scrolling through them.
Rich: Slow down
Me: I’m not to the cars yet.
Rich: It’s not a car, you moron. It’s a plane.
Me: No wonder I couldn’t find it.
Lifetime Warning Conversation
Was talking to Mel about a guy she might like and I’ll have to change some of the conversation but here’s the gist of it.
Mel: Well, he does have some issues in his past.
Me: I’d go for it – just be cautious and all that.
Mel: I know, but he’s supposedly much better.
Me: Well, just don’t end up being a Lifetime movie.
2014 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
Apocalypse Stash Conversation
Me: You know when the ‘pocalypse comes, I’m eating all of this expensive tuna. (Genova Tonno)
Rich: No, we’ll have to give it to the cat when he runs out of food.
Me: What? We’ll have to eat the cat food!
Rich: I am not eating cat food.
Me: You will if you’re starving. Those people in One Second After ate grease out of the grease traps. (awesome book, by the way) Cat food is a step above!
Good Deeds Conversation
Tonight I decided to trim Swan’s hair (she’s a pekingese) and give her a bath. Due to her long hair, she tends to get knots so I tried to tackle one of those first, then she pooped on me while doing so.
Me to Rich: See what happens when you try to do something good for someone? You get sh*t on.
She’s a dog, not a someone human but you get the gist. Alas, this hair cutting will commence again tomorrow. By the way, I just trimmed her hair a few weeks ago.
Pennies from Heaven Conversation
I was sweeping up some trash and picked up a penny.
Rich: What did you pick out of the trash?
Me: A penny.
Rich: You wasted more time picking that up than what it’s worth.
Me: I just read the other day that if you see a penny on the floor it was sent by an angel and means they are watching over you.
Rich: …………..
Me: Seriously, this means an angel is looking out for me.
Rich: My angel needs to start dropping some twenties then.
Logic Conversation
Me: Into the storm is playing at the Regency and Pier Park.
Rich: I’m not going to the Regency.
Me: But we will have to fight the crowds of tourists at Pier Park.
Rich: No one is here.
Me: Why not, it’s August?
Rich: Look at the security cameras at work, no one is here, the parking lot is empty.
Me: Maybe they are all at the movies.
Angel vs Devil Conversation
There’s a quiz you can take that has been making its rounds amongst our friends. It’s how evil or good you are and a couple of the questions were similar to:
You see a turtle in traffic. Do you risk angering drivers by moving it somewhere safe or leave it.
You need to run into the store fast and the only spot is a handicapped one. Do you take it?
Rich: Some of the people got almost 100% evil.
Me: Yeah, I’m wondering how they answered all of their questions. Apparently a lot of people are running over turtles and parking in handicapped spots.
Unicorn Conversation
Driving around town….
Rich: Didn’t that used to be a uniform store there? Now it’s something else.
Me: I thought you said unicorns at first.
Rich: Yeah, because they sell unicorns at stores now.
Modeling/Photographer Conversation
Me: You know how it’s kind of awkward to tell the model how you want them to pose when taking photos? It’s like, “Okay, maybe look like you’re thinking,” or “Why not smile but close your eyes?” I was thinking that it’d be much easier in a German accent.
Rich: …………. what?
Me: You know like, “You smile big, yes? Now make like lion – roar! Yes, good. Now turn and frown, frown face, yes? You’re bear now, be the bear, grrrrrr!”
Rich: I think I need to drop you off at home so you can reflect on how stupid that was. Besides, that was like three accents in one voice.
Me: Anything Eastern European might work.
Heaven Conversation
We’re watching The Wolf of Wall Street.
Me: What I don’t get is that if you have all of that money the legitimate way, why do you have to do illegal stuff to get more money?
Rich: Probably like drug dealers, greed and more money.
Me: Yeah but why not just be honest? I mean, I work hard to be an honest person – it doesn’t come naturally you know. Remember the girl that forgot to ring up our dog food and you pointed it out to her? I might have paused to consider that – that’s something I have to work at and I do but still….
Rich: And that’s why you’ll never enter the House of Heaven.
Awards Conversation
We’re watching August: Osage County.
Me: So tell me how Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep didn’t win an Oscar for this?
Rich: They cursed too much?
Me: No, but Cate Blanchett – God love her, I adore her but she was in a Woody Allen movie so of course she won. I mean, all you have to do is play a Nazi or be in a Woody Allen movie and you’re a shoe-in.
Rich: What if someone plays a Nazi in a Woody Allen movie?
Me: Then they win all of the awards.
Sleep Conversation
Rich is watching Family Feud and the question was, “Name the longest time you can go without sleep.” The guy answers, “Six hours.”
Rich: Damn, he must be related to you.
Weed Conversation
I have a friend that collects graveyard dirt and asked me to get some when we went to New Orleans. In return, she sent me some from some famous people like Lizzie Borden, Edgar Allen Poe, and H.P. Lovecraft. She sent me a lot so I had some left over after putting it in labeled little bottles.
Me: (as a joke) You know we’re going to take the rest and grow special plants like graveyard plants.
Rich: Or pot.
Me: LOL we’ll have funny names for the weed like at those stores.
Rich: Like Lizzie Borden’s Axe Grinder or Edgar Allen Poe’s The Tale Tell Smoke.
Heard at Home 