My best friend Melissa (you’re my best friend too, Judy) loved this and she’s black so no one should be offended – she wasn’t. She thought it was hilarious.
Rich: I had the craziest dream last night.
Me: What happened?
Rich: We were on a trip somewhere and this black lady was serving me fried chicken but she charged whatever they wanted to it was like $35 for two lunches.
Me: That’s a totally racist dream.
Rich: WTF, how is that even racist?
Me: You had a black lady making fried chicken. I suppose if she’d been Mexican you’d have been buying tacos.
Rich: Since when have you ever seen a Mexican person work in a chicken joint?
We were watching a show the other night called Tanked. In it, they had a little shark they were putting into a tank and they had to pick him up carefully so they would not get bitten.
Me: I’d totally let that shark bite me so I could say I’d been bitten by a shark before. So far I’ve been bitten by dogs, cats, birds, a fish (a Trigger Fish) and a miniature horse.
Rich: Weren’t you bitten by a pig?
Me: Oh yeah, that’s right! That little pot bellied pig in the pet store that time! I’m working my way up to a shark.
Me: I get the weirdest spam. It’s so odd I actually enjoy reading it. This one says, “Check out this Judy photo and find me on facebook if you had ever seen something alike!!!”
Rich: WTF does that even mean?
Me: Did you read the News Herald one about the grandma that got scammed? Her supposed grandson called her from Dominican Republic and he was in the hospital, etc and she sent $3000.
Rich: Where are these people anyway that can just pull $3000 out of their ass to pay some scammer? I’m sure there are grandchildren they could spend that money on to buy a pony or something.
Me: You know ****hidden to protect the person** would argue with them and be all like, “You’re where” I don’t know where that even is. You know I need that money for bills.
We were watching the Titanic mini series and by the way, huge fan of the movie,etc
Me: those people in the old days knew their place. (insert sarcasm). The ship is sinking and the rich folks were all like, “go fetch me my tea and warm up my room” and they’d be like yessir.
Me: I’d be like, “bitch, this boat be sinking, get it yourself.”
Me: I wonder if those people got tired of being all dressed up the entire cruise.
Rich: well it’s not like they had a lot of jeans and Juicy Couture shorts.
Me: and flip flops!